i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
