for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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