3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
