I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
