We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
