Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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