bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
