Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it