Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.