And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit