I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY