she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
third nipple confirmed
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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