i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
