I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
