I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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