need another drink. this is the easiest way
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
