One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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