"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
