maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
