Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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