At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
