I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
