I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
