Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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