I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
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Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
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Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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