Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
