Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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