Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
