He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
