i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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