So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
