How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
