I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
it's like iHOP with fire
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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