PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
