It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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