3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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