theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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