How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
