he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she smelled like a LAN party
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
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I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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