Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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