well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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