Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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