man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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