So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
