sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
