She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
