My hand turned me down
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
