; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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