I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
