i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
