the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
