I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
