Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
