I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
