Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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