After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
