Umm I'm too high to move.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
