im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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