The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
