But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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