I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
