I think I am morally bankrupt
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Acid is not a monday night drug
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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