I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize