Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
