you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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