what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
