Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
