last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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