And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
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He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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