that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
