Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize