There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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