I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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